You might be a school employee if....

I saw these today and thought they were funny. You might have seen them before.

Jeff Foxworthy on School Employees

1) YOU might be a school employee if you believe the playground should beequipped with a Ritalin salt lick.

2) YOU might be a school employee if you want to slap the next person whosays, 'Must be nice to work 8 to 3:30 and have summers off.

3) YOU might be a school employee if it is difficult to name your ownchild because there's no name you can come up with that doesn't bringhigh blood pressure as it is uttered.

4) YOU might be a school employee if you can tell it's a full moon or ifit going to rain, snow, hail....anything!!! Without ever lookingoutside.
YOU might be a school employee if you believe, 'shallow gene pool'should have its own box on a report card.

5) YOU might be a school employee if you believe that unspeakable evilswill befall you if anyone says, 'Boy, the kids sure are mellow today.'

6) YOU might be a school employee if when out in public, you feel theurge to snap your fingers at children you do not know and correcttheirbehavior.

7) YOU might be a school employee if you have no social life betweenAugust and June.

8) YOU might be a school employee if you think people should have agovernment permit before being allowed to reproduce.

9) YOU might be a school employee if you wonder how some parents MANAGEDto reproduce.

10) YOU might be a school employee if you laugh uncontrollably when peoplerefer to the staff room as the 'lounge.'

11) YOU might be a school employee if you encourage an obnoxious parent tocheck into charter schools or home schooling and are willing to donatethe U-HAUL boxes should they decided to move out of district.

12) YOU might be a school employee if you think caffeine should beavailable in intravenous form.

13)YOU might be a school employee if you can't imagine how the ACLU couldthink that covering your students chair with Velcro and then requiringuniforms made out of the corresponding Velcro could ever bemisunderstood by the public.

14) YOU might be a school employee if meeting a child's parent instantlyanswers this question, 'Why is this kid like this?'

15) YOU might be a school employee if you would choose a mammogram over aparent conference.

16) YOU might be a school employee if you think someone should inventantibacterial pencils and crayons...and desks and chairs for thatmatter!

17) YOU might be a school employee if the words 'I have college debt forthis?' has ever come out of your mouth.

18) YOU might be a school employee if you know how many days, minutes, and seconds are left in the school year!